I hate that whenever I start feeling anxious, I always think about cutting myself. Just picturing it in my head makes me feel less stressed or whatever. It makes me feel like I’ve taken a load off. It makes me feel free and liberated. That’s such a terrible thing for me to think.
It’s been years since I’ve self harmed though. I don’t even remember the last time I did it. I don’t intend of every doing it again. But the thoughts always come back. And it’s annoying as fuck.
Thank you for sharing this, sounds like you made a choice to overcome a habit that was on its way to causing you serious harm. For me it was alcohol. It’s been over a decade since I had a drop, but what you said about “the thoughts always come back” is very much the way I feel sometimes when I feel overly pinched by certain situations.
Stay strong, and enjoy the rest of your journey.
"Sure, I used to approach everything negatively, but now I’m trying to be constructive. Most of those guys complain, but they never do anything about it. That’s wrong. They do have the right idea though when they reject the unnecessary decorations of society. I go for their casual clothes and living habits. I like to sit on the floor and talk as well as the next guy. But some of those people forget to ever get off the floor and do something." —Steve McQueen, on being grouped in with the Beat Generation